Plastic Plates and Race Buckles

In ‘The Mountain Will Have Its Way’, I share the raw, unfiltered story of how Leadville and I found each other—a journey that began with a race but grew into so much more. This episode isn’t just about chasing a buckle; it’s about conquering a different kind of mountain: addiction, identity, and the struggle to find a way forward when the trail feels impossible. Adapted from my journals, this is a story of resilience, failure, and relentless progress, both on and off the trail.

I wrote this entry July 19, 2021, revisiting it multiple times over the years, feeling it wasn’t clearly communicating what happened out there that night, and how I felt about it. Five years later, I finally feel I can articulate what happened. I’ve never had another experience like it. Running is my daily ritual, and the trail is my church—a place I control. When race day comes, I strive to leave all my worries at the start line, running with a clear, undistracted mind. But that night, during the Colorado Bend 60k, 2021 something slipped through the gates. A ghost of an unwanted thought I didn’t invite, crept in. As the beam of my headlamp flickered over the trail, I caught glimpses of it lurking in the darkness, waiting to pull me away from the present. And with each step, I let it. I fell many times through the night not from exhaustion, but from something far more dangerous: distraction on a rocky, technical trail. We all have a strained relationship with our egos. Someti…

In 2009 my brother called and asked me if I wanted to run a half marathon with him. What started as an impulsive commitment to my brother quickly became a test of endurance, pain, and willpower. From the exhilarating start fueled by salty ocean air to the agonizing finish, I share the highs and lows of this unforgettable journey. Despite cramps, burning lungs, and a fleeting desire to quit, my brother's unwavering support pushed me to the finish line. Join me as I reflect on the adventure, challenges, and lessons learned from this half marathon experience.

In 2019, recently sober, I signed up for my first 100k distance trail run. I had a history of running a few shorter trail distances and many years of road half marathons. I thought I knew what I was getting myself into until the wheels began to fall off later in the race. Through this audio blog I revisit my journal entries exploring running, sobriety, recovery, failure, success, and self-discovery as a slightly behind the middle of the pack runner.